Since The Dent Schoolhouse booted out the Klowns this season and left our good pal Bludzo homeless, we at the HOD!!! have been having a serious case of Evil Haunt Klown withdrawal. We’ve been looking for a really crazed Klown that is rotten to the core, but yet retains the warped sense of humor that sets them apart from the other homicidal crazies. And we think we’ve found him at Sandyland Acres Haunted Hayride! As the wagon moves through the Big Top mysteriously ensconced at the edges of Sandyland’s cornfield, it’s boarded by a couple of Klowns looking for a few laughs. One of these big-nosed bozos is Mr. Giggles. Mr. Giggles isn’t so bad, despite the blood running down his white greasepaint-he just wants to play a game. And his game of choice is ‘Scream or Die’. Getting right up in the faces of two terrified girls, he explains the rules-“Scream, and I let you live. Don’t, and I come to your house later tonight and kill you”. We’ll never know if he’d really follow through, because the screams that emit from the girls fill the countryside around Sandyland!

Sandyland enters its eighth season under the capable direction of Gene and Brenda Webb along with their partners, the Stephenson family. The event is on fire, especially when Gene pulls out his remote control and activates the propane jet on top of the nearby silo! Much has changed this season, including the event’s host. Mortimer ‘Ripper’ Sneed is gone, replaced by a Confederate General complete with authentic uniform and engraved dress sword. With the change in hosts, there’s also a brand new backstory to go along with it. It doesn’t mean the old stories are invalid-the ‘Pumpkinseed’ story works just fine alongside the new one. The current version’s based around some local lore. There’s said to be a Confederate General (perhaps the brother of Confederate raider John Mosby) buried on the hill that’s behind Sandyland, and this along with wanting to create a Farmer character gave Brenda the inspiration for the new tale.

Gene’s usually suited up as Farmer Emmett Mosby, the title character in Sandyland’s walk-through attraction, Farmer’s Revenge. For a couple of years now we’ve been wondering just what it is the Farmer is seeking revenge for, and it turns out he’s got a legitimate reason. It seems that during the Civil War (or War Between The States, for those of you of the Rebel persuasion) the Farmer was killed by Confederate General Cyrus Bones. The legend gets a bit vague here…it might have been over the apocryphal ‘Farmer’s daughter’, Bones wanting to marry her and the Farmer wanting no part of that. Maybe the Farmer had his eyes on Bone’s wife, Boo. Maybe Bones’ wife IS the Farmer’s daughter. Maybe the Farmer was just a supporter of the Union (after all, Kentucky officially fought on the side of the Union in the Civil War). But no matter the reason, the Farmer ended up just as dead and wasn’t happy about it. His restless spirit, pitchfork in hand, continues to wander the barns and fields of Sandyland looking to catch up to Bones and punch his ticket to Hell. Sandyland has some sharp looking promo photos showing the two of them facing off, weapons in hand.

Sandyland brought back a couple of scenes that were seen in their first season but have been conspicuous by their absence the last few years. One of these is the corn cribs-the massive fence-like silos used to store corn. Looking much like large old-fashioned animal cages, they make a perfect home for Werewolves-there are a couple in there now, including the large animatronic wolf that Sandyland used in their ‘Red Riding Hood’ scene last year. If history is any indication, the Werewolves won’t be imprisoned for long-and that proves to be the case as they break out, joined by a couple that were hiding in the nearby cornfield just for good measure. The second scene making a triumphant return is the ‘flying spirit’ that soars through the air towards the wagon just as it enter the woods-it used to be a witch or a bat creature, but this season it’s a skeleton on a rocking horse. Either way, it’s a welcome sight as it cuts through the air with the moonlight reflecting from it.

Within a few minutes, after passing through the ‘Island of Evil Dolls’ and an encounter with ‘Sackhead Jason’ and Pamela Voorhees, the wagon pulls into a rustic compound where a victim is chained between two trees. Could this be the home Ma (the woman running the Farmer’s Produce stand in the first scene-you know, the one selling arms, legs, and heads?) warned us about? “Don’t bother my boys in the woods”, she screamed, but it looks like we’re about to do just that. Giving the biggest scare of the night is the country boy hanging from a tree who attacks the wagon as it rolls underneath his perch. After several hillbillies take potshots at the wagon with shotguns, it appears the trouble is over as the wagon moves away from their shack. But the illusion of safety is shattered when the backwoods butchers clamber into their ‘monster truck’ and roar towards us in hot pursuit. This season the hillbilly trucks have their ‘stacks’ fueled with propane, meaning that when the twin pipes on the hood belch flame, it’s even more impressive than last season-you can feel the heat from fifteen feet away!

Finally, there’s the Terror Barn, the final portion of the hayride and traditionally the location of the strongest scenes. This season you’ll be accosted by a bizarrely-masked Plague Doctor and his loaded hypodermic, bear witness to Leatherface bashing in the head of his freezer bound victim (and watch out-he’s not happy with just the one!), and finally be confronted by the civilized psycho, Hannibal Lecter, as he offers choice sweetmeats from inside the skull of his latest victim.

As always, the reactions of the hauntgoers on the haywagons make for the best entertainment. We had the good fortune to be sitting across from two teen girls who were the ultimate haunt actor’s fantasy-they alternated between false bravado and screaming terror, stating defiantly they weren’t scared one second and then jumping into each other’s arms a second later when a character jumped on board. And as soon as they declared all the monsters were gone and they were safe, the one standing right behind them would reveal himself! They were an absolute joy to behold and made the ride memorable for everyone on board. We told them after the ride was over that we thought they were great, and they heartily agreed they were, heading into the gift shop to pick up a few mementos for themselves.

Farmer’s Revenge is Sandyland’s indoor attraction-it’s a quirky combination of traditional haunt, carnival fun house, and dark maze. Outside, they’ve added a video screen so people can see what’s going on inside. Originally it was playing movies of past years’ hayrides, but Gene switched over to the live feed when it got a better reaction from the crowds. Inside, changes have been made for the current season-the Webbs spent about three months during the hottest part of the summer (under a metal roof, no less) making them. “We used to put the hayride together in about two months”, muses Gene, “but now we’re working on the haunt all year round”. Some of these involved removing things that didn’t fit in with the barn’s theme (the electric chair, for example) and adding scenes that did-such as the scene of the zombies raiding the henhouse. Farmer Mosby and his pitchfork often make special appearances inside the haunt. The dark room filled with hanging pipes has been moved and replaced with a new bloody dining room where the Farmer’s family sits down to a bit of ‘head’ cheese. Another of Sandyland’s well-done movie monsters appears in the person of Pinhead from Hellraiser, complete with a Lament Configuration box and a pillar of souls. A couple of Mr. Giggles’ pals have set up a ‘Sandyland Circus Outlet’ inside with a very nice vortex tunnel. There are the hanging snakes, bloody kitchen, dungeon, and boulder room (watch out for the Ghoul with the axe!) from last season along with other scenes. And while some haunts only threaten that you’ll leave with wet pants, there’s a new effect inside that guarantees that you will at Sandyland!

More of Brenda’s handiwork can also be seen in the Spooky Gift Shop-while it might only be slightly larger than your average coffin, it’s packed with macabre artistic creations you won’t find anywhere else. On a cold night, it’s also a great place to hang out since it has a heater-and also sells Sandyland Blankets, bargain priced and just the thing to keep warm while waiting in line on a frosty fall evening. You’ll find other unique items like raven cages, light-up eyeballs, carved mini-statues from the cursed wood of Sandyland, custom jewelry, and stuff that’s so strange you’d have to see it to believe it. You can also get black or green T-Shirts with the Sandyland logo or a DVD of hayrides from past seasons. Or have a souvenir photo taken with the Farmer, the General, or other characters for only four bucks. Auntie Susie’s Haunted Kitchen is also on site with a large menu of food and drinks, a kiosk by the queue line sells glow necklaces and light-up jewelry, and there’s a stand selling kettle corn.

Sandyland’s made more promotional appearances as well, and it’s helped their bottom line. An appearance at Citibank in Florence (where the employees specifically requested Sandyland characters) led to several truckloads of their employees visiting the hayride, and an upcoming appearance at the Fifth Third Banks Halloween Party should yield similar results. Mortimer Sneed will even be making a special appearance at the Fifth Third event-we’re guessing General Bones wouldn’t have been happy crossing into Yankee soil anyway.

Sandyland Acres Haunted Hayride markets itself towards family entertainment rather than be dripping with gore and violence (although there’s some of that). It’s fun and exciting with just the right balance of horror and spectacle. It’s by far our favorite outdoor event-on a cool autumn night with a waning moon hanging in the sky and a layer of fog hovering just over the cornstalks, there’s no place with more seasonal appeal than Sandyland. As we’ve observed over the years, we’ve never seen someone get off the hayride unhappy. That’s tough for an event to do! And speaking of tough to do, when Mr. Giggles challenges you to play “Scream or Die”, try to keep from screaming. We’re dying to know how that turns out for you.